A BANGKOK SEX SHOW
The delay has mostly been to a lack of personal knowledge. I know it’s there and all around but I don’t go there. I live with a very nice lady and have no need of other very nice ladies.
But I’ll see what I can learn just by nosing around.
For instance, I dragged Dow, The Jungle Princess, to a sex show. I felt I owed it to my readers. All three of you.
“Sex Show” is somewhat of a misnomer. They should call it, “Get turned off sex for life show.”
The “Sex Shows” are limited to one lane, or alley (called soi), in downtown Bangkok. There are many, 8 to 12, perhaps more.
Also in this alley are many bars with dancing girls, not naked but nearly so. Out in the street is an extensive flea market.
Does this sound like a tourist trap?
There are three walking lanes in the alley. In the center, you walk through booths selling everything but groceries, cars and large home appliances. Perhaps they were selling groceries.
On the sidewalk there are more booths on one side and the bars on the other. The doors of the bars are kept wide open so you can see the girls dancing in their underwear and hear the raucous music and “fun” going on inside.
Every bar advertises no cover charge and a “happy hour” that brings drinks down to $2.
Also on the sidewalk are these shills that go up to every touristy type and present them with a card that is a “menu” for the sex shows. The menu is not for you to keep. Evidently they can only afford one. I would have loved to have kept one to reproduce here. Maybe I’ll go back and steal one for you. Anything for my three readers. That would be good reporting.
The shill presented us with this menu card.
The deal was: Free look. You stay, there’s a cover charge.
I said, “OK. Let’s go.”
We started to follow the shill.
All the sex shows, it turns out, are upstairs in this alley.
A guy stopped us at the bottom of the stairs while the shill ran up.
What the hell?
After a few seconds he let us go, so we followed the seedy looking guy up the stairs.
When we entered the upper floor, I saw we were the only ones there. The music was blasting away. There were four totally nude ladies moving on a center stage in time to the music. Some might say they were dancing.
I realized the shill had gone ahead to warn all that the suckers were coming and to start moving around.
It reminded me of that old joke:
“When does the show start?”
“When can you get here?”
As soon As we sat down we were charged a $15 cover which included a beer for me and a soft drink for Dow.
In part one of this “sex” show, a naked lady started extracting needles from her you-know-what. They were all tied together on a thread. She tied one end of the thread to a pole and pulled the needles out as she backed away. The thread was 15 or 20 feet long with needles every 4 inches.
When she reached the end I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to applaud.
I decided not to.
She walked offstage and came over to us, still totally nude, holding a small empty basket.
“What’s that for?” I asked.
“My show,” she said. “You pay.”
“Oh, okay.” Caught off guard, I put 100 baht (about $2.50) in the basket. That was way too much I later learned.
Part two of this sex show consisted of two of the naked ladies lying on their backs, putting their rear ends up in the air, and tooting on little horns that they had inserted into their you-know-whats.
I must have stared at that like a deer caught in the headlights.
Dow looked over and laughed at my open-mouthed expression.
That went of for a while, and when they were finally finished, one of the horn ladies came over to us with that little basket.
I’m too much of a soft touch to stiff them, so I deposited another 100 baht.
I wondered what came next. Then I saw another of the naked ladies stuffing another bundle of the needles up her hey-nonny-nonny.
That was it for me.
I grabbed dow’s arm and we got the hell out of there.
There you have it.
That was a Bangkok sex show.
If you’re ever out this way. Don’t miss it.
(In my mind, I can hear someone say, “Wow! They toot horns out of their crotches while lying on their back with their butts in the air? What a turn-on!” But that’s my mind and I have little control over it.)