NO TWO SNOWFLAKES EXACTLY ALIKE

This is one of the things I think about in between naps.

No two snowflakes exactly alike?

What a bunch of crapola!

Who came up with that one?

I’ve been hearing that since I was a little kid.

Then I started thinking. How the hell do they know that? Did they do some research?
Hell no they didn’t. You know goddamned well they didn’t. Who the hell would research that dumb thing?

What happened was, some pencil-necked geek stood up and said it, and everyone bought into it.

So who’s going to challenge it?

How could you disprove it?

The damn things melt before you can bring them in to prove anything.

So some geek says it and everyone believes it.

Okay, here’s what I’m gonna say: It’s all bullshit. One winter in Wyoming I found two snowflakes that were exactly alike. So doesn’t that disprove that theory?

How can I prove it?

Prove that I didn’t.

It’s the same as what that pencil-necked geek did except he didn’t do any research like I did.

But wait a minute. I’ll go even farther. And this one is based on extensive research: There are no two pieces of popcorn that are exactly alike. This one you can take to the bank.

Unlike that snowflake guy, who just stood up and spouted off, I have spent my life in popcorn research. I have catalogued billions of pieces of popcorn. I can state, unequivocally, there are no two pieces of popcorn exactly alike.

I would offer a million dollar reward to anyone who could disprove that, but, since my life has been spent on popcorn research, I don’t have a million dollars to offer.

Or even a hundred dollars.

But I still challenge you to prove me wrong!

I’m gonna go lie down now.