I’M TIRED OF CROCODILES

What’s with these cheapo wild life-animal channels that they’re so in love with crocodiles? Every day it’s crocodiles.

Why are they so in love with those ugly things?

I’ll tell you why.

The films and videos of them are readily available so they’re cheap.

And they should be cheap. You know how hard it is to find a crocodile? You just go to where they hang out and there they are. It’s not like they hide in bushes or climb a tree. No way. They just lay around in plain sight.

I’ve got shots of maybe a hundred crocs on my own, dumb, personal video camera. I’ve even got shots of guys sticking their heads in the crocs’ mouth.

It’s not hard to get the shots. You just go to where they hang out and there they are.

So there you are.

I know everything about crocs that I want to know.

What they don’t show you is that mostly crocs don’t move.

They remind me a lot of Howard Stern’s mother. Her goal is to do one thing every day, no more. That’s pretty much what a croc does. I wonder if she rests on the bottom of ponds.

Yeah, they’re a lot like Howard Stern’s mother.

Tomorrow I’m gonna write about snakes.

I wonder whose mother they’ll remind me of.

I’m gonna go lie down now.