THE IDEA OF A LIFETIME

Scott Adams, the author of the Dilbert cartoon, has a vocal problem. He cannot speak in his normal, conversational voice. His voice works okay when he lectures in front of audiences, or when he sings, or sometimes when he recites poetry. But he cannot speak over the phone or in normal conversation.

There are thousands of people with that problem. Doctors say it is incurable.

I think I found a cure. This is the idea of a lifetime. How about Scott Adams hires a hip-hop backup group? There are a lot of them around, broke and hungry. When Adams wants to speak, he signals the group. They start with that mouth sound. The guy with the drum sticks starts beating on something and Adams does a rap. There you go.

When the phone rings, the backup guys just start automatically and Adams can answer the phone doing rap. It that perfect or what?

Adams describes himself as a “minor celebrity.” When news of this gets out, and it will, he will still be on the minor celebrity list but with a bullet.

Not everyone with this affliction can afford to hire a hip-hop backup group. I envision a charitable foundation that will hire backup groups to join these voice challenged people. Everyone benefits. Broke and hungry hip-hoppers get jobs and these poor unfortunates get a voice.

This idea is so great I’m sure I’ll get some kind of a prize. Probably not the Nobel Prize because this malady only affects a few thousand people and is not life threatening. But maybe someone will give me a ribbon I can wear sometimes.