THE "F" WORD

This is one of the few jokes I have remembered:

A teen age boy joins the armed forces, goes through basic training, and returns home on leave.

He strangely silent for days, giving only monosyllabic answers to all questions. His family gets worried that perhaps the experience of basic training has harmed his mental faculties.

Finally, at a family dinner, with everyone seated around the table, his father confronts him.

“What’s going on, son? What have they done to you?”

The kid looks confused. “Who?” he asks.

“There in basic training. Did they do something to you? Did they tell you not to talk to us?

“No.”

“Then what’s going on? Why don’t you talk to us?”

The kid looks down at his plate and says, “I’m afraid I’ll fuck up.”

That story has stayed with me because it is so true to life. (Yes, I plead guilty. I did it too) Basic
training is one of the most foul-mouthed environments anyone will go through in their lives. It’s a bunch of teenagers becoming men and trying to hurry up the process with their mouths.
Reverting smoothly back to the life they left is difficult.

Many years after my basic training I was married to this very sexy lady for over fifteen years off and on. We had a tumultuous relationship. During that time I worked in construction in a nearly all male environment.

One day, after many years of ups and downs in our relationship, it suddenly occurred to my wife that she had never heard me swear.

She asked me about it. “You work with men all day. Don’t you swear on the job?”

Without missing a beat, I replied, “Every fuckin’ sentence.”