Friends from school days describe me as the class clown. That is the truth. But was it a need for attention, boredom, or an inability to concentrate that made me that? Maybe it was all three. I never thought about it.
I had some strange attitudes when playing sports. I once scored a touchdown from the three yard line. But the hole in the line I ran through was so big anyone could have done it. So the touchdown was a let down. Anyone could have scored it. I didn’t feel good for the team, I only felt disappointed that I hadn’t done anything special.
In another football game our team was winning so easily I lost interest. Here’s the weird part, I honestly wanted to go to our coach and ask him if it would be okay if I played for the other team. I didn’t do it, but I wanted to. It would have been a lot more challenging for me. Maybe I wanted to be the best player on a poor team rather than just another player on a good team. I don’t know.
Playing center field at a critical point in a very important baseball game, a ball was hit on a line between me and the left fielder. I knew that by making a maximum effort I had a chance to catch that ball. But I also knew that I was the only one in the park who would have thought I had a chance. I was so afraid of trying and failing I didn’t try. I turned to chase the ball down in outfield and we lost the game. Needless to say, that memory has haunted me.
Maybe someone can explain me to me.